Saturday Seven

A few weeks ago, I did my Saturday Seven on things I love about summer. Well, I'm in a suck-ass mood, so I'm going to do this week on things I hate about summer. So, suck it, summer solstice.

1) My baby seems to have a rection to sunblockon her face. The tear-free kind. I put it on my hands, then her face, and no matter what, today was the second time she broke out in blotches, red swollen eyes, and her nose leaking like a seive. I don't get it. How sad is this?



This picture doesn't even show how truly messed up her face was. Poor baby. We came right home before even getting to the park, gave her a little benadryl, and a bath. She seems fine now and her face is much better. Anyone have a miracle method?

2) Wasted gorgeous weekends. Most of the time, the days go by quickly, with work, errands, appointments, but I look forward to the weekends. Especially when Mike doesn't have to work. This weekend is absolutely gorgeous in NJ - the kind of days BBQs were invented for. It's 80 degrees with a nice breeze. But Mike is sick, the baby has to be inside until her face is better, and I'm inside blogging. Woo-fricken-hoo

3) Bathing Suits. Nuff said.

4) An over-abundance of crappy food. Don't get me wrong. I loooove food, as shown by the jiggle in my wiggle, and the junk in my trunk, but it's like inescapable in the summer. BBQ after BBQ after party after wedding. It's so hard to eat healthy and a lot of people don't even offer healthy alternatives to the oozing burger covered with cheese (which, by the way, I love) or the potato salad swimming in mayonnaise. And if and when there is fruit or chicken, I'm sick of both by July 1.

5) The neighborhood teenagers being off from school. I remember being young and for the most part, try and go with the flow, and keep in mind that they're kids and having fun. But when they are playing manhunt, screaming at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, it's all I can do not to be the crotchety old lady who goes out in a bathrobe and yells at them. Then I'm sure they will put flaming poop on my doorstep.

6) Crappy TV. There are a few shows I'm into, but I miss my Agent Booth and Greg House.



I read books constantly, but I still like to veg out once or twice a week with my husband and my DVR and so far, summer TV sucks. Although, I do have a minor teenage obsession with So You Think You Can Dance. And I'm like beyond excited for the new show The Singing Bee to start in a couple weeks. Yes, I'm a dork.

7) NO BABYSITTERS! My teenage babysitter is wonderful. She is the daughter of the woman who runs the dayhome I take her to twice a week while I work. Charlotte knows her and is comfortable and happy with her. I trust her with my baby and in my home. Not only is she going to college in the fall, which is great for her and assrific for me, but she has things to do this summer. She's 18. She has plans and friends and parties. And isn't nearly as available during these months as she has been. She's booked until the end of July. And since we're new to the area and are 40 minutes away from my parents, Mike's parents are often on call, and our friends either have their own kids or have their own lives on the weekends, we pretty much do nothing. Ever.

Ok. Rant over. I feel a little better. I feel less like punching a puppy.

I'm awesome

Ok, well maybe not really, but at least one person thinks so. Memoirs of a Fat Girl (a very funny, honest writer, who I love reading) awarded me this:

In Yo' Face, bitcheees.

Yeah, I know. I suck at smack talk.

So, the rule goes I have to pass this on to five other chick bloggers that I think rock. Here goes:

1) Ali from Cheaper than Therapy: Her stories about her life and kids always has me cracking up. She's very real and someone I could get coffee with and talk about men's asses and kid snot in the same 10 minute session.

2) Haley-O from The Cheaty Monkey: A currently pregnant, but ho-t-t mama, she makes me giggle on a daily basis, from her self-professed horn-doginess to the antics with her toddler. A real-life friend to Ali, I can only image the fun they must have! She also writes celebrity gossip here and has a pregnancy blog here.

3) Crystal from Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper: Hands down one of the funniest writers on the web. Her candid stories are so vivid, you feel like you are watching a comedy. I've snorted beverages out of my nose on more than one occasion. This corn poop entry is by far one of my favorite. I literally laughed out loud until I had to make my husband read it, so he didn't think I was inhaling glue. She also has a good heart to boot, and takes the time to reply and respond to e-mails. A true rocking chick.

4) Jonniker: I am relatively new to her blog, but always go back for more. She is down to earth, just another girl, and reading her writing is like talking to a friend. And she's hysterical. Her blogs always have me smirking, nodding myt head, going "Me, too, me too!! I'm a dork too!!"

5) Carol from The Menopausal Housewife: Truly one of the nicest people I've met blogging, she always has a kind word, and always makes me laugh. She has a great relationship with her kids and husband and I love reading her stories about her family. They are heartfelt and funny as hell, a watermark of a great writer.

There's a few more rocking chicks I'm fans of, but I was only allowed to chose five, and Laural already won one. And I'm going to give Sunshine from ...and the pursuit of happiness a shout-out right now, because she's running a contest over at her site. Leave a comment and you can win a t-shirt. A very cool one, too. AliThinks is also a great read, with awesome photography and a little Francais! Swistle is a wonderfully honest and true writer, not afraid to confront things like PPD and the trials of raising five (gorgeous) children. Amidst it all, she still has one of the sharpest senses of humor and always amazes me that at the end of the day with five kids (one is a set of twins), she still has the energy to make me laugh. Motherhoodwink writes about her hysterically adorable relationships with her husband and her son, and always leaves me giggling.

I also bought this effing awesome t-shirt for my little spawn and thought you'd all get a kick out of this. She's dancing here, sucking on her bottom lip for concentration, so I couldn't get her to stand still long enough for a great shot. Damn Elliot Yamin and his bluesy beats!

Rockin Out

I'm in my Explorer today, at the McDonald's drive-thru (it was for Mike, I swear. Okay, okay, I had a cheeseburger, but it was a little one, and I'm so tired, and the baby won't stop crying, and Mike has had a migraine all day, and I only had a few fries, and, and, and...damnit, okay, I'm a fatty who loves the red-headed mofo clown, OKAY?!?)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, at the drive-thru. So, I'm rocking out with my bad self to Journey's Don't Stop Believing, which apparently since being in the series finale of Sopranos (of which I've never seen an episode) has increased sales by 380%. OHMIGOD, I can't stop digressing. So, yeah, drive-thru. Journey. Singing loud.

And the little girl who took my money looked at me like a crazy woman, gave me my change, and said "Have a nice day, ma'am." Ohsweetbabyjesus, when did I become a ma'am? When did my Journey become her Fall Out Boy?

I think I should go buy Depends. Because, seriously people, if I'm going to be old, I might as well be able to pee my pants because I don't want to miss a second of So You Think You Can Dance.

Quiet

The seed of Chucky baby is soundly sleeping with her menagerie in her crib, Mike is at the movies seeing 1408 (for which, despite my love for John Cusak, I would rather pluck out my own eyes with sporks than see another horror movie of his choice - The Grudge was almost The Divorce), and the house is quiet.

And you know what? I haven't the slightest clue what to do with myself.

I think I'll Google all of my ailments until I am convinced I have ebola and will bleed out before Mike gets back. Where's Dustin Hoffman when you need him, dangit?

Molars

My baby is cutting her bottom molars and it makes me want to set myself on fire, if only to escape the agony of her whining for 30 seconds.

I feel terrible for her and try and comfort her. I give her teethers and Tylenol. But I fear a few more days of this will leave me babbling like Goldie Hawn in Overboard when the youngest son is throwing grapes at her.

I will not eat goat eyeball

"I need a flint. And I'm going to carry that and my survival knife with me at all times"

"Ok, honey. Whatever you say." I have learned that questioning his bizzare notions only fuels the fire.

"It will help us survive if we are ever stranded somewhere"

"Well, conseriding the most traveling I do is to Target, I don't see how we'd be in a situation where we'd be stranded and need fire."

"You never know what could happen."

"Well, I know Target has lighters."

We've been watching Man Vs. Wild all day on Discovery.



This guy is a fricken fracken flippin nutcase. His name is Bear (yes, I know), and this is the description the website gives:

"He has hosted the Discovery Channel's MAN VS. WILD, in which he strands himself in remote locations to demonstrate localized survival techniques, since November 2006. Bear lives on a converted barge on the River Thames with his wife Shara and their young sons Jesse and Marmaduke."

I'll just pretend that this guy didn't name his son Marmaduke and move on.

Anyway, he is dropped off in these middle of nowhere places - the Sierra Nevada Mountains, Kenya, Costa Rica, a deserted South Pacific Island - and shows you how to survive until you get to help. We've been watching it all day and the only thing I learned is that I would die. A lot.

He bites the heads off snakes and eats their bodies, eats from gnawed-on zebra carcass, swallows mountain bird eggs whole, wiggles grubs down his throat, and gouges out the eyes of a dead mountain goat because "they contain protein." I literally had to stop myself from throwing up a little in my mouth when I watched him pluck out a dead goat eye.

I'd like to think that in a situation of survival, I would do damn near anything to make sure I saw my baby again, but from the comfort of my oversized chair sitting in my air conditioning, it's hard to imagine myself eating goat eyeballs.

Mike is now obsessed with this show. "Alton Brown and Bear Grylls are my personal heroes," he informs me. I guess it could be worse. He could still be obsessed with Stewie from The Family Guy.

He is out now buying some odds and ends and how much do you want to bet that he stops at Home Depot for a flint?

Stuffed Animals

When I was pregnant and people gave me teddy bears or stuffed sheep or some other fluffy annoying creature, I would smile, say thank you, and cringe inside. I. Hated. Stuffed. Animals.

I hated them no matter how soft and furry, whether or not you won it for me at a fair, or whether or not it's 20 years old and I carried it around for years. I hated them. They take up space, collect dust, and create clutter, which makes me nervous.

Of course I birthed a child who I'm sure out of pure spite from the universe is infatuated with stuffed animals. She is not a stuffed animal bigot and loves all of them equally from her "bun-eeee to her "ishie" (fishy). Our house is overrun and our dog is about damn near ready to have an aneurism from all the wonderfully fluffy things she is not allowed to chew.

So despite my previous hatred, I am growing to love the little sonofabitches, because really, how could you not look at this and smile:


(taken from her nightcam baby monitor last night)

Saturday Seven (another photo edition)

Carol over at The Menopausal Housewife is having a photo caption contest and asked me to send my 4 readers over there. So, go and be funny. Cause the funniest caption wins a very cool personalized charm bracelet.

Mike is working a 12 hour shift and I am stuck home still recovering from my discogram (much better today, thanks) and my mom, dad, and nephew were going to come over today to help me out and play with Charlotte. However, since my kid's cold has now turned to yellow snot spewed everywhere with each sneeze, I'll call and have them stay home while I fend for myself.

So, in honor of Carol's photo contest and because my creativity level has been dried up with percocet and baby snot, here are my seven favorite photos I've taken from the past year.


1) Charlotte was almost a month early and was so tiny. Mike is a large dude - almost 6'4 and she fit in his hands.


2) This was taken at the Manasquan Reservoir when Charlotte was only three months old. It was one of the few places that would calm her down when she was screaming for what seemed like months on end. We would take her and sit by the water and she'd be so peaceful.


3) I love how small her hand looks next to Mike's. It symbolizes my whole world.


4) This picture makes me laugh out loud everytime I look at it. She was only a few weeks old and learning to focus her eyes, which she apparently could not do on the long lens of this camera.


5) I love this Thanksgiving picture because it is so friggen ridiculous and I will use it to make fun of her in front of her friends when she is 15.


6) Both Mike and Charlotte love to be outside and have a bond with it. He takes her outside, shows her all the flowers and they play in the grass. He is definitely the "fun" parent.


7) The way only a little girl looks at her Daddy.

If anyone has any sugegstions or themes they'd like to see me do for my Saturday Seven, let me know!!

It sounds like a sparkly party ball

Yesterday I had a discogram done. It's where I go into the outpatient surgery center of the hospital, they sedate me a little, and then stick needles with dye into my lumbar discs. What is the purpose of this? To cause pain. Seriously. They want to make sure that the source of my lower back pain is the correct disc before any further treatment is discussed. When a normal disc is injected, there is only a pressure feeling, like someone is standing on your back. When an injured/torn/bulging/ruptured disc is injected, it feels as if that person is wearing stilettos. This is how I felt when it was the L4-L5 disc's turn. Then, they send you for a CT scan while the dye is still injected into the discs to get a better view than an MRI - to locate the source of any fissures or leaking fluid.

This is a road I've been down before, a procedure I have already had. The next step last time was a percutaneous nucleoplasty. I had this done in December of 2004. As soon as I was healed, I felt like a new person. I could exercise, sleep well, and was totally back to normal. I got married in September 2005, got pregnant on the honeymoon, and had a wonderful pregnancy. Then, last October I was rear-ended. Hard.

This is the car that hit me:


I was fine. I thought I was fine - normal whiplash pain but nothing significant. I wasn't in any pain at first, and didn't want to be one of those people who show up in court with a neck brace on, only to be caught on camera playing volleyball while collecting disability. Then, a few days later, it started. It felt all too familiar. The tightening in my lower back, worse in the morning, the shooting pain into my right butt cheek, wrapping around my leg, and snaking into the quadricep muscle.

So, I went back to my spinal doctor. And the story starts over. A repeat MRI revealed the same disc I had fixed two years ago was re-herniated. Seven months of physical therapy, cortisone injections, traction, and nerve blocks and no relief. We even went as far as to put ourselves in debt to buy a TempurPedic bed, supposedly the best thing for bad backs. It is a kick-ass bed, but no change in pain. I wake up every morning near tears, take a percocet, and wait for the pain to ease with movement. Then I continue on with my daily life. I go to the gym, I commute to work, I take the baby to playdates and keep the house clean. I work in the yard, I take long walks. And I do it all in pain and with a smile on my face.

No one wants to be around people in pain. It's permeable and you can taste the change in the air when someone miserable is in a room. I did not want to be that. I will not be that. And yesterday and today after the discogram, I am in more pain than usual. I have to rely on Mike to do most things and he had to take time off from work to care for Charlotte since I can't do too much. And I hate every second of it. I hate being dependent on people and unable to do things on my own. I hate being around myself - listening to me wince as I try and sit, or precariously pick things up with my toes so I don't have to bend over. I hate my nonchalant attitude. I don't care what we eat for dinner, I'm in too much pain to care and hate for Mike to have to cook yet again while I sit idly by. Give me nachos. That's good enough.

Hopefully the results come back that there is enough disc matter left which will allow for another nucleoplasty. That will buy me a few years, hopefully enough time to have another baby and get to the point where I don't need to carry an infant around. Because as of right now, my options are limited. I can do nothing and live with the pain or there are surgical options. I refuse to get fusion because it is irreversible and often fails down the road. Artifical disc replacements have been approved by the FDA in 2004 and are getting better every day. Because I am young with good bones, I am a candidate for this surgery. However, it is a major operation, which would put me out of work for months, and in turn, my husband would have to take off to care for Charlotte. And then, what superhero would fly in with his checkbook and pay our mortgage? The cool thing about medical technology is that it is so ever-changing and evolving. I just read an article and discussed with my doctor disc transplants, where some doctors are experimenting with injecting donor disc material into a degenrated disc and it is healing itself. If I can hold out for a few years, maybe that can be my reality, and my pain can be solved with a simple injection instead of major surgery.

Sorry for the rather depressing post. I know I have it good and at least on most days I am function pretty well. I have wonderful family who help and support me and a husband who doesn't even think twice to pick up my slack.

I am just so young and feel so old some days.

I'm so cultured

I was driving home after a long day of commuting, working, and then physical therapy when my cell phone beeped in on a very important conversation I was having with Bridget.

"Isn't she the one who married the dirtbag?"
"Yeah, he looks like Frodo"
"Are his feet hairy?"
"No, he just looks like a hobbit."

It was my good friend Mary. She happened upon two free tickets to this:



and tomorrow night, I will be getting my cultured groove on in NYC.

And because I'm blonde and haven't yet figured out my cell phone I got three months ago, I hung up on Bridget. Oops. She'll forgive me.

We've been infiltrated

When we went away last week, we boarded our dog Pandora for 7 days. Apparently, in this interim of peace, some woodland creature decided our backyard was prime real estate and has taken up home.

At first, we thought it was a mole or something small because there was a small hole in the pebbles by our tomato plants, and the tops of one of the plants was eaten off.



It's not that difficult to discern which one the mystery animal preferred.

We also noticed that all the flower tips were eaten off the weeds, and something chewed through our twinkle lights on the back deck.

Then we saw it. The tunnel.

Mike was letting the dog out when something big and furry to the left caught his eye and darted out of sight. He followed its path and this is what we found.



I've decided it's a pathway into hell and whatever dug it must be a satanic groundhog of sorts. I mean, seriously, look at how much dirt this thing moved.



It has to be at least 250 lbs. With horns. Yes, it must have horns.

Mike thinks there might also be one living under our deck because the dog has been stalking it, and there are these small burrows under it.



I am seriously considering Mike's request for a BB gun for father's day.

Anyone have any idea what it is and how to get rid of it?

Saturday Seven (the Vacation Edition)

Since I just got back from vacation to Florida where it was as hot as I imagine the second level of hell might feel like, I will work my Saturday Seven around this. So, here are seven things about our first family vacation:

1) The baby is a better flyer than Mike. She did excellent on the plane. She slept for most of each plane ride



(see earlier love note to Benadryl) and then looked out the windows yelling "oh wow, wow oh wow" at the passing tiny trees and cars.



Mike, however, wasn't feeling good the day we left and it showed.



I felt bad that he felt sick but I wanted to toss him from the airplane at 30,000 feet. Here's us before we got on the plane and I was still smiling.



2) Despite it being 900 degrees most of the time, on the morning we decide to go to the beach, it was freezing. It also looked like Armageddon with the dark clouds and wind. She played in the ate handfuls of sand, which yeilded the funnest diapers I've ever changed the next day.



We still let her play in the water though, which was 80 degrees.



Of course, afterwards, she was freezing and I had to get her naked



clean her off, and wrap her up



before she had hypothermia. Her lips were blue and she was shaking but she would have played in the water forever. We did get a great beach day at the end of the week though.



3) Seaworld is a lot of fun and despite the assrific traffic there and back, we had a nice day. She damn near had a stroke when we took her to The Pet Show. It had all of these trained animals, running around on stage doing all kinds of tricks, and was really quite impressive. She couldn't contain herself "PUPPUP, TITTIE (kitty), OH WOW, PUPPUP, TITTTTTTTIE."



She also liked the Shamu show but only for like 15 seconds



and then decided it was time to show everyone how well she is walking now.





4) The sky will open and downpour on you as you are getting ready to leave anyway. It's kind of like a "Ha, Fuck you. Thought you were getting away, didn't ya, foolio?" We were on our way out of Seaworld when it started to pour. I tried to cover the baby's stroller with a towel, but we're lucky enough to have a kid who loves the rain and kept pulling it down and giggling as we ran through the storm.



On the bright side, we did get an awesome rainbow out of the deal.



However, I could not find the pot of gold, nor the rat bastard leprechaun at the end of it to beat and mug.

5) I successfully ate my own weight in food this week. Had to have. I ate all week, and now the scale mocks me. Get off fatty, you're breaking me. Our family we were staying with loves to cook and we just ate and ate the best home-cooked food I've had in a while. And at least twice, we ended the night with a trip to Dairy Queen. Charlotte is also a big fan.



6) Having a pool is awesome. I wish we could have one, but a) we have no money with which to obtain said pool and b) I'm so paranoid I gave away our fish and are filling in our pond with dirt let alone getting a pool for my kid to drown in. She loved it though and we went in a few times a day to cool off or wind down at the end of the day.



7) There's no place like home. We loved being away, visiting family, getting time off, but Charlotte knew she wasn't home. My baby, who I was so proud of for going to sleep on her own and napping on her own, suddenly reverted back 6 months. She didn't know where she was and despite our efforts to make the pack 'n play cozy (we added a matress pad, her own blankets, and several of her stuffed animals), she would not go down easy. Each night it took me at least 30 minutes to get her down, and she would wake 1-2 times throughout yelling through the dark "Mommma, ohhh Mommma, Mommma" in between sobs. Was heartbreaking and I knew letting her cry was not an option. For naps, we would try and time walks or car rides so she would fall asleep on her own because getting her down in the house was almost impossible. Like here



or here



or here



Doesn't my kid have the most killer bedhead?



Last night, when we got in, I gave her her bottle and jammies and put her in her crib. She squealed to be in her own bed, gathered all her stuffed animals, threw herself on top of them and slept for 13 hours. Ahhhh, home.

It's hotter than a ....

This week since summer feels like it has officiall started, I've decided to give you my favorite things of the season. Since there are some negatives to hot weather (people in shorts who have no business wearing them, bathing suit season, bad humid hair days), I've decided to focus on the positive.

1) Rita's ices.

I don't know if all of you have these by you, but if you don't, you should consider opening a franchise. They have the best italian ice and gelato. The gelato is so thick and creamy, I get an extra dimple of cellulite on my ass just by looking at it. But it is soooo good. And they do have good sugar-free ices (they usually feature a new one every week) for those of us who more often than not, turn down the gelato. My personal favorite is a Misto Shake, when they blend the gelato flavor of your choice and the ice of your choice - think of all the combinations!!

2) Sitting outside with friends. Yesterday we went to my friend Wendi's house so Mike could help Sophie plant her tomato plants. I've never seen kids who love fruits and vegetables so much.

(isn't she cute?)
Looks like Wendi has had enough of my kid here and wants to give her back. :) But we all had fun sitting outside with some drinks and snacks.



Ok, I digress, back to summer.

3) Frozen beverages. No explanation necessary.

4) Having a tan. I know it's bad for you. Skin cancer, yadda yadda. But I feel sexy with a tan, like it helps hide all my imperfections - the scar by my mouth, the stretch marks I have all over from being so heavy for so long and from pregnancy. I feel like I can hide in my own skin.

5) Hot dogs. I never eat hot dogs during the year. They are so bad for you in so many ways - nitrates, nitrites, weird meat. But in the summer, on the grill, with a lightly toasted bun, ketchup and relish.. mmmMMMMmmmm!

6) Little baby girl dresses. Seriously, dressing my kid now is like having a life size doll. And I could. just. die. over how cute the baby sandals are.

7) VACATION. Though not the same as our pre-baby getaways, I am definitely looking forward to getting away from this house for a few days. Even though this is "home," there is always an endless amount of tasks to be accomplished, and removing myself from them for a few days will do our whole family a world of good.

P.S. My husband is watching Rambo. Am I the only American who hasn't see this? He actually just said out loud "This is the movie that made survivor knives, like, super popular." Aaaaah, summer television on SPIKE on a Saturday afternoon...

Saturday Seven

This week since summer feels like it has officiall started, I've decided to give you my favorite things of the season. Since there are some negatives to hot weather (people in shorts who have no business wearing them, bathing suit season, bad humid hair days), I've decided to focus on the positive.

1) Rita's ices.

I don't know if all of you have these by you, but if you don't, you should consider opening a franchise. They have the best italian ice and gelato. The gelato is so thick and creamy, I get an extra dimple of cellulite on my ass just by looking at it. But it is soooo good. And they do have good sugar-free ices (they usually feature a new one every week) for those of us who more often than not, turn down the gelato. My personal favorite is a Misto Shake, when they blend the gelato flavor of your choice and the ice of your choice - think of all the combinations!!

2) Sitting outside with friends. Yesterday we went to my friend Wendi's house so Mike could help Sophie plant her tomato plants. I've never seen kids who love fruits and vegetables so much.

(isn't she cute?)
Looks like Wendi has had enough of my kid here and wants to give her back. :) But we all had fun sitting outside with some drinks and snacks.



Ok, I digress, back to summer.

3) Frozen beverages. No explanation necessary.

4) Having a tan. I know it's bad for you. Skin cancer, yadda yadda. But I feel sexy with a tan, like it helps hide all my imperfections - the scar by my mouth, the stretch marks I have all over from being so heavy for so long and from pregnancy. I feel like I can hide in my own skin.

5) Hot dogs. I never eat hot dogs during the year. They are so bad for you in so many ways - nitrates, nitrites, weird meat. But in the summer, on the grill, with a lightly toasted bun, ketchup and relish.. mmmMMMMmmmm!

6) Little baby girl dresses. Seriously, dressing my kid now is like having a life size doll. And I could. just. die. over how cute the baby sandals are.

7) VACATION. Though not the same as our pre-baby getaways, I am definitely looking forward to getting away from this house for a few days. Even though this is "home," there is always an endless amount of tasks to be accomplished, and removing myself from them for a few days will do our whole family a world of good.

P.S. My husband is watching Rambo. Am I the only American who hasn't see this? He actually just said out loud "This is the movie that made survivor knives, like, super popular." Aaaaah, summer television on SPIKE on a Saturday afternoon...

Sunday is a'comin

We leave on Sunday morning for our vacation to Florida. It's our first trip with the baby, and I believe we will definitely be stopping at the third level of hell.

Already the big suitcase is packed with little dresses and jammies and things that she might need and - oh geez - what if we don't have it? The little suitcase is packed with my shoes (and will also contain toiletries if there is room). Yes, I have packed 8 pair for only 5 days. And I had to stop myself there. I brough one pair each of black, white, and brown cute sandals, rather than the 5 pair I wanted. What if I need a taupe instead of beige or brown, or a strappy instead of a slip-on? I really need more shoes. I realize I will probably live in sneakers and flip-flops (I packed 4 different colors), but still.. WHAT IF I NEED THEM?

Sometimes I feel like the packing before a trip and afterwards is deservant of it's own vacation. But this time I thought ahead and planned to leave on a Sunday, so we had the Friday night and Saturday before to pack and get ready. And we're coming back on Friday, so we have the Saturday and Sunday to unpack and get back to reality.

We're going to see family we don't get to see very often and are by far, one of my favorite sets of Aunts and Uncles I married into. Aunt Carol is just as obssesed with photos as I am and we share a common bond with our love for capturing the moment. We also share a common love of the booze. It should be a good week. :)

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is what mushed up banana looks like in the mouth of my child who's new favorite thing to do is make faces at the camera. (Check out the nap bed-head too.. lol)

Maybe I'm only a runner up

I wanted to thank everyone who shared their own personal horror stories with me after yesterday's debacle. Though I still felt like the scum of the earth, I felt better knowing that people I assumed were completely competent parents: a) got halfway down the street before one child reminded her that they were missing a sibling (he was safely in his room); b) accidentally had their baby roll and get stuck between the headboard and bed upside down (only for a few short seconds); c) dropped a child off a bed while rooting for something on the TV (baby was fine); and d) put the ironing board away because it was dangerous but moved the hot iron to the bedstand where a curious toddler lifted it (baby hurt hand but is okay now). None of these kids were seriously injured and all of these stories came from good moms and dads, parents who would have limbs cut off only to spare their children from any pain. So, if these parents could have bad things happen, I must not be as bad as I thought.

I must have called my mother at least four times yesterday while she was here with Charlotte and I was at the office.

"Did she eat?"

"Yes, she ate French toast like it was going out of style."

"Good. Is she doing anything weird, like trying to eat her own face?"

"No, she's fine. You're being silly. Goodbye."

"NOWAITDONTHANGUPYET. Are you sure I didn't cook her brain? Like she's not walking in circles banging her head with a toy? No evidence of neurological trauma?"

Sighs. "No, the only one with damage is you. Go work. Loveyoubye." Click

Ok, so my kid is fine. Better than fine. She has a new word today - shoes. (Ohmigod, shoes). (High-five to anyone who got the previous reference to this). She loves shoes. She will try and cram her little foot into any shoe she can find, including Mike's size 15 sneakers. It's funny to watch.

So again, thanks. I guess we all make mistakes, hope their not truly catastrophic, and learn from them and our kids are no worse for the wear.

Oh, the colors of the rainbow

"Hey babe?"

"Yeah?"

"My snot isn't yellow anymore."

"You are so sexy."

And the worst mother of the year award goes to...

So, we have a really nice digital camera. A Canon, huge lens, great quality, mucho moolah. Takes awesome pictures. But it's huge and not really good for the quickie snap or to take when we go out to some places. I wanted something I could put in my purse/pocket/diaperbag and just whip out whenever my kid had pudding on her face or my husband fell down. Ya know, moments to cherish.

So, Mike ordered me a little baby Canon, an Elph I think. It came a couple of weeks ago. When the UPS guy delivered it, I opened the sealed box with scissors and took out the Canon box nestled inside the mound of packing peanuts. That box was not sealed and when I opened it, there was the typical package of instruction manuals and some cords. But I couldn't find the camera. I was sure it must be the most miniature camera ever made and again went through the box. Nope, no camera.

"You're gonna be pissed."
"Why?"
"I got the camera, or so I thought. There's no camera in the box."
"Fucking Dell"

Apparently someone must have stolen the camera during processing. I figure it was some dude named Seth's last day at work and he was like "Screw this place, I'm pocketing this, selling it, and buying more hemp, patchouli oil, and maybe a new bong."

I figured we'd call, they'd be all apologetic and expedite us out a new camera. STAT! Umm, no. They gave us some runaround but eventually said we'd get a new camera. Well, the estimated delivery date was today and no camera. So, Mike calls Dell and after some back and forth, and Mike getting a little angry, comes to find out that the camera is on backorder and they have no ship date. He said it was unacceptbale and wanted to speak to a manager. They did nothing either, so I told him to get a refund. At which point, he lost it because they said it would take 7-8 business days to get a refund. We wanted this camera for our upcoming trip to FL next week and it sure doesn't look like it's gonna happen.

Guess I'll lug the big camera around.

Here's the kicker. Mike just went to the doctors for a pesky cough I think finally may need antibiotics and Dell called. Apparently, he called the "home division" last time but the order was placed with the "business division" and he has to call back some other number to get his refund. I'm afraid to tell him.

Dell sucks monkey balls

So, we have a really nice digital camera. A Canon, huge lens, great quality, mucho moolah. Takes awesome pictures. But it's huge and not really good for the quickie snap or to take when we go out to some places. I wanted something I could put in my purse/pocket/diaperbag and just whip out whenever my kid had pudding on her face or my husband fell down. Ya know, moments to cherish.

So, Mike ordered me a little baby Canon, an Elph I think. It came a couple of weeks ago. When the UPS guy delivered it, I opened the sealed box with scissors and took out the Canon box nestled inside the mound of packing peanuts. That box was not sealed and when I opened it, there was the typical package of instruction manuals and some cords. But I couldn't find the camera. I was sure it must be the most miniature camera ever made and again went through the box. Nope, no camera.

"You're gonna be pissed."
"Why?"
"I got the camera, or so I thought. There's no camera in the box."
"Fucking Dell"

Apparently someone must have stolen the camera during processing. I figure it was some dude named Seth's last day at work and he was like "Screw this place, I'm pocketing this, selling it, and buying more hemp, patchouli oil, and maybe a new bong."

I figured we'd call, they'd be all apologetic and expedite us out a new camera. STAT! Umm, no. They gave us some runaround but eventually said we'd get a new camera. Well, the estimated delivery date was today and no camera. So, Mike calls Dell and after some back and forth, and Mike getting a little angry, comes to find out that the camera is on backorder and they have no ship date. He said it was unacceptbale and wanted to speak to a manager. They did nothing either, so I told him to get a refund. At which point, he lost it because they said it would take 7-8 business days to get a refund. We wanted this camera for our upcoming trip to FL next week and it sure doesn't look like it's gonna happen.

Guess I'll lug the big camera around.

Here's the kicker. Mike just went to the doctors for a pesky cough I think finally may need antibiotics and Dell called. Apparently, he called the "home division" last time but the order was placed with the "business division" and he has to call back some other number to get his refund. I'm afraid to tell him.

My baby's first steps

Because time is fleeting...here are my daughter's first steps caught on tape

What's good

Ok, so American Idol is over. Wah, wah. I watch it like a hawk, but when it's over, my interest is lost. However, it filled up not one, but TWO television nights. And now I am at a loss. So You Think You Can Dance has started up and I do enjoy that, but it's more of a mindless drone in the background as I fold laundry rather than a tittilating (ha, I said tit) masterpiece of televsion.

We don't typically watch much TV and it's only after Princess Peanut has retired for the night. I see no need for a 13 month old to watch TV and even when it's on, she shows no interest. The only exception is the movie Milo and Otis (I had no idea this movie was originally Japanese until I just checked imdb, hmph) which we keep in the DVD player in the Nitro. "Titty!! Puppup!!," she yells for it.

Whoever invented the DVR has a seat up in the afterlife with the guy who invented air conditioning. Those are my peeps, yo. The DVR lets us catch up on the shows we like when we have time to watch them, AND we save time by fast forwarding through the commericals.

I love Bones. Basically, I have an unhealthy obsession with David Boreanz's character Agent Booth. I never liked him in any other role (he was Angel on Buffy and his own show) but for some reason, something about him in this role makes me want to leave my husband and camp out in his driveway just so I can throw my panties at his head. But the season is over now and I have to settle for googling "hot pics agent booth" until next fall.

We are regular viewers of House - you can never go wrong with an angry, arrogant doctor show. We also watched Criminal Minds, which kept getting creepier and more morose with each episode, so I kind of lost my taste for it. I love Mandy Patinkin though, by far one of the best actors out there. I like Numbers, but each episode gets way more far-fetched than the next. Can Charlie Epps really calculate his way out of a terror plot? COME ON PEOPLE!

Every now and then we'll watch Deadliest Catch or some other TLC or Discovery program, but I need something good to sink my teeth into this summer season.

I know 4400 is coming back on, but that's the only summer show we watch. Is there anything else good? Anyone have any recommendations for what to zone out to at the end of the day? Keep in mind we only have a few hours a week, so I can't spend time backtracking watching old seasons of shows.

And, go!

Strides

Today, Charlotte is full-on walking. She is still a little unsure and will grab a wall every now and then, but is better than yesterday and dramatically better than last week. It's amazing what can change in a day when they're this young.

She now also goes down for naps without being held or rocked to fall asleep first. When she is tired, I can put her in her crib with her stuffed toys, put on the mobile, and she will talk herself to sleep while rubbing her hair.

Looking back a year ago when I had a colicky newborn who would barely take 20 minute naps, we have indeed come a long way. She is napping now, the house is quiet, and Mike is doing the dishes.

I am so thrilled by this, I think I may go take another shower just so I can say I had the time to do it.

Rainy Sunday

The weather sucks today. We planned on doing some yard work and mowing the lawn, but the all-afternoon rain has kept us inside or running errands.

Mike finally picked up his tomato plants and lattices and hopefully we'll get those up and going this week. There is nothing quite as yummy as my mom's homemade sauce with fresh garden tomatoes (well maybe Brad Pitt is as yummy but I wouldn't know..and never will...oh, the humanity).

Last night, we got a sitter and went out to dinner with our friends Dawn and Ruf and got some awesome Thai food. I forgot how nice it ws to have adult conversation not relating to work, diapers, or scheduling a doctor's appointment. Mike got up with PP and I slept in all morning for the first time in a while. Then the baby took a three hour nap while Mike came back to bed. It was nice to lounge around and sleep on a dozy rainy day. It wreaked havoc on my back to be lying down for so long but the extra rest felt good.

So, we're playng inside now with fake food and Mike and Charlotte are making hamburgers and hotdogs and a jalapeno sandwich with a spider for added crunch. It's keeping them both entertained and that makes me happy, and anything that makes me happy, quite frankly, makes the world a better place.

Saturday Seven

From now on, every Saturday I'm going to post seven things on a particular topic. Though I've not been "tagged" because I'm on the lowest of the lowest totem pole (I'm like the angry face at the bottom) of bloggers and no one knows me well enough yet, I'm tagging myself for this one I've seen up around.

So, here are 7 random facts about me:

1) I have serious road rage. I get so angry in the car, especially when I've got the baby with me that I truly believe her first full sentence will be "Get out of the left lane, you cocksucker."

2) I wish I went into the sciences. I was at a crux in my life before college and though I was accepted with a NAMS major (sciences), I switched it before classes started and instead got a Literature degree with minors in writing and philosophy. I often wish I had taken the other path, because I feel I would have more opportunities for careers and been able to incorporate more of me. You can be a doctor and still write and read on the side, but you can't be a writer and practice medicine on the side. Or can you? ;)

3) I used to be really artistic. I loved using charcoal and water colors the most and used to draw and paint. I had a hard time in college with all the classes, work, and drinking to find time for that, and never found it again. I miss it.

4) I would love to live in another country, or at the very least another state. But it won't be for a long time because I couldn't leave my family. I pretend I'm a strong woman when in reality, my spine is made of noodles and I NEED MY MOMMY!

5) I love the shows Quantum Leap and MacGuyver. Don't even ask.

6) I wish I could speak another language. I'm jealous of people who are bilingual. Can someone teach me to say "Get out of the left lane, you cocksucker" in any other tongue?

7) I always wanted to have a huge family, but I am too selfish to want to have more than two kids. I want to travel (with and without the kids) and everytime you have a new baby, you essential "rewind and start over" and I just don't want to do that but once more. I definitely want another baby, but the buck stops there. That's what we're going to call my husband's future vasectomy - Buck. :)

Ok, I'm tagging Michael C from The Wonderful World of Nothing. Go forth and be ye random.