Down the same road

When I called my mother to check on the kids this morning, she was in tears.

"I can handle babies who cry because they want to cry. But your son is in pain. This is Charlotte all over again. You need to call the doctor."

So I did.

Even though I'm still in a little bit of denial that both of my infants had the same health issue, he was put on Prevacid for acid reflux. It was not the formula he was on, nor the cereal. He does not have gas issues or a bad reaction to dairy. He actually barely spits up at all, especially compared to his sister, who if mounted on the top of a tank could have taken out the enemy with her projectile vomiting. He digests his food fine and has no tummy troubles between feedings and is usually content to entertain himself on his playmat, sleep, or have a conversation with the pictures on the wall. He very rarely cries. As long as there's not a bottle in his mouth.

It's how he eats. He's starving but only takes two ounces and then once those are in, he begins the arching back, the screaming, the gasping, the kicked out legs. Then there's the gurgling of formula in the back of his throat that sounds like congestion for upwards of an hour after he eats that he occasionally chokes on. The doctor's visit was during a feeding so he got to see firsthand today.

Charlotte greatly improved on the Prevacid, and eventually outgrew the reflux around 10 months. And as evidenced by my bright, healthy toddler, the medicine doesn't cause horns to grow or any other side effects of the sort. So I'm hoping Sawyer does equally as well on it. I'm keeping him home from his dayhome tomorrow to give the medicine the next few days to work and we'll see whether or not he'll go back on Monday. I'm hopeful that things will improve.

I think because he is such a happier infant than Charlotte was and because he didn't spit up as much, I was loath to see the connection to the reflux.

Today, I am having a mini-pity party for myself and my baby because how can I get TWO kids with the same thing? How come I have to deal with two kids who are in pain during a time that should be soothing and relaxing? How is it fair to them? To me? To be on medicine so young?

Add in work overload, a sore mouth, sleep deprivation, and the feeling that I'm treading water but going nowhere, and I feel like a big Boo-Hoo Sissy Marypants because I'm feeling so sorry for myself.

And then I feel like an asshole for feeling sorry for myself because he is such a good baby and we're all healthy and happy and lucky and I'm so thankful for all of it.

But still, if I had soup today, I'd cry in it.