You know

You know you work in corporate America when:
-They send out an email about cutting out an entire department before actually telling the people in that department. (not mine, thankfully).
-The salad maker lady, Rosa, knows that in my case, "el champiñón es el diablo" (mushrooms are the devil) and not to put them on my Salmon Asian Ginger salad, thankyouverymuch.
-Half of my department knows I lost my birth control because I had to call the pharmacy at work and 50 people sit thisclose to me, separated by a stupid wall that gives the impression of privacy.

You know you're getting old when:
-You start calling anyone under 25 "kids"
-You eat a muffin and gain a pound.
-The neighborhood kids playing on your lawn annoys you.
-You no longer get carded at the liquor store.
-You take over ten supplements at night
-Your joints hurt when the weather is bad.
-Running two miles at the gym makes your inner thighs so sore you can barely walk without looking like you had a run-in with a gang in prison.

You know you're the wife of a geek when:
-He threatened to not marry you because he found out you had never seen Star Wars.
-Calls you a Commie because of aforementioned travesty.
-You know more about computers than any of your friends by proxy.
-There are wires EVERYWHERE.
-His last phone cost more than the electric bill.
-His idea of a good time is perusing Best Buy.

You know you're the mother of a toddler when:
-You've said "get back in bed" eleventy billion times this week.
-You hate Max & Ruby with the hate of a thousand fiery suns.
-You've made orange noodles, purple cookies, and green muffins because she asked.
-You haven't peed alone in your own house in over two years.
-To a two-year old, tampons are like little torpedoes and six of them will clog a toilet.
-You've fished crayons out of that same toilet.
-Your chapstick has teeth marks in it.

You know you're the mother of a newborn when:
-You think it might be better to walk around the house naked because it has to be easier than changing your clothes 8 times a day and doing all the subsequent laundry.
-When talking to him, your voice hits a pitch that annoys yourself.
-You sway all day long.
-You've made up songs in your head about changing poopy diapers.
-You put eggs in the cabinet, the cordless phone in the fridge, and there's 4 half-drank cups of coffee all over the house.
-Your new perfume is eau de spitup.
-You can't imagine ever doing it again and not ever doing it again all at once.