8-ball says: Outlook better

Holy shit, people. How come none of you have written me saying "Snap the fuck out of it, you daft whiney cow?"

It's pretty obvious that for the past few days, I've been rather glum. I suppose all of us have these days where no matter how clearly we see our silver lining, it's still inside a goddamned black cloud. It's not like me though. I'm usually the one staying positive, keeping people upbeat and motivated, running around my office doing Molly Shannon's Superstar pose to make people laugh.

But I've just felt beaten down lately. Mostly at work. I came back after a four-month leave and my journals were in complete disarray. I've been trying to dig myself out of a hole at work that I didn't create. I left my journals not just on time, but EARLY. I left detailed scheduled, print outs, instructions, and hardly any was followed. If you know me at all, you can imagine how psycho I am with organization and details. It's the only way I can manage such a busy life. And I came back and my stuff was EVERYWHERE. Nothing filed, piles of papers (we're supposed to be paperless) eight inches tall, folders strewn, inbox full. I damn near had an anxiety attack just looking at my desk.

But after a few weeks, things are looking up and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's not coming until the end of the month, but it's there.

I've gotten a few good nights of sleep, thankyoubabyjeebusandthemakersofPrevacid, and HOO BOY is it life-altering thing when you close your eyes at 11 and wake up at 5 and realize that you really did get six hours of sleep. The baby has been sleeping through the night from 7-5 for about a week now with the exception of one night this week, which of course was Sunday when we had to go to work and daycare the next morning.

And what feels just as good as the big chunks of sleep is the schedule. I love me some schedules. With a newborn, you can try as hard as you want to make one and as soon as you do, they give you the finger and screw it up. But now, just as we're about to round the three-month corner, he's finally gotten a nighttime schedule down. It's comforting for him and me to know that after his bath and bottle, he'll drift off in my arms, eyes heavy like a stoner. Then I'll burrito the hell out of him in his Miracle Blanket (dude, I so just made "burrito" a verb) and he'll go in his hammock. I know that I can then focus on getting Charlotte in bed and cleaning up for the morning and that by 8 pm, I'll either be working or like last night, watching Bones and having naughty fantasies about Agent Boothcatching up on DVR with Mike.

So, let's recap:

No sleep + Stressful work situation + crabby toddler + reflux baby + economy sucking + trying to fit time in at the gym + no Tassimo packets + no schedule = Sad, whiney AndreAnna

Decent sleep + Work outlook brighter + happy toddler + baby thriving on Prevacid + being thankful we still have our home + losing weight from all my hard work + Stabucks Tassimo packets + good schedules = Happy, Energized (or caffeine-cracked-out, same difference) AndreAnna

Am I the only one whose whole life can be altered just by things not being on schedule? Am I that anal retentive that I can only be the best me when things fall into place just as I want them?

I thought I was a flexible person, but maybe I'm not.

What about you? Do you go with the flow? Or does not being able to control the flow make you a crazy person ?