Stumble It!
I spent a small fortune this morning at Target on Stuff to Keep the Kids Happy on The Plane, which include a new Barbie movie, pretzels, goldfish, fruit snacks, fruit cups, coloring books, sticker books, a few new trucks, and oh yes, BENADRYL.
I have given it to Sawyer before when he's been sick and/or teething so badly he couldn't sleep, and thankfully he's not one of those kids who have the opposite effect. It does make him sleepy although he is stubborn enough to fight anything if he really tries. I'm going to take the advice of a commenter from a previous post and think positive. I believe in that. If I assume it's going to be a negative experience, well then maybe it will be. But I'm going to go into this thinking that everyone will do swimmingly, myself included (because for some reason they don't sell benzodiazapines at Target).
I also think my kids know we're getting ready for a vacation because instead of being the mostly well-behaved children they are, they've collectively LOST THEIR SHIT. Sawyer will grab something Charlotte wants and she will grab it back. He will then lunge at her linebacker-style and then she'll roundhouse him to the face. And then the YELLING. How can a child who still CANNOT SPEAK in full sentences still talk and yell ALL. DAY. LONG?
I know siblings fight and truth be told, I don't even get involved. I'm not here to be a referee and it's not like they're ever going to stop fighting. I teach them to share, to be fair and kind. The rest? They're three and one, they're brother and sister, and they're going to fight. For many many more years. I figure I may as well teach them how to fight fair and let them work it out and not stress myself out trying to stop it. My rules involve: no biting, smacking, kicking, or hair pulling. Also: we do not put our hands on anyone else (i.e., no pushing the kid at the playground.)
So basically my house is kind of like a toddler UFC tournament most of the day. But you know what I noticed? When I don't get involved, and they get pissed at each other, and one pushes and the other pushes back, it ends there. Usually, Charlotte will even share what it was Sawyer was coveting, or Sawyer will relinquish his grip on Charlotte's toy and move on to something else.
Do you intervene or do you let your kids fight?
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sibling Rivalry
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11 comments:
My oldest tries to force us to intervene. He's a huge tattle-tale. Mommy, Nick is doing x. Mommy Nick just did y. Mommy Nick isn't listening to me. Or he'll pick Nick up and put him outside their playroom and then lock him out. It's hard not to get involved sometimes. I try to let them sort out toy squabbles themselves, but it's hard when Nick starts biting or hitting, or Gabe is tattling.
I guess we intervene a lot partly because I am not good with bruises and blood - it makes me faint dead away (how embarassing to admit...) But also because as Cookie said the four year old is a total tattle-tale and will not stop repeating the tattle till it is acknowledged. I guess I like think of myself a moderator, not a ref though as I think about it there may not be much difference... Um so this made me think maybe we need to let them work it out more without stepping in.
I agree - be positive, remain calm and ignore anyone negative around. Most people are loving and charming when it comes to the little ones. Screw the rest of 'em!
Honestly, I am a referee. My kids don't just push~they hit, pull hair, kick and throw each other down. I lay down the rules which they have all promptly ignored. This includes Meg.
I can't stop the fighting. I usually remove the twins from the situation as that defuses things a bit.
Meg and Drew are required to work things out themselves. UNLESS they have hurt each other physically, and then I have to intervene.
They may look like adorable children but they all fight like cats and dogs all damn day long.
you know, i come from a standpoint where there is absolutely no reason to hit or physically touch anyone. not even your brother. especially not your brother. he is my baby. and my daughter is my baby. and i will let no one hurt one of my babies. and i tell it to them just like that. and then i tell then how they could have handled things differently. usually, kids just need to be told what word to use.
there you have it!
My thing was - as long as they aren't getting hurt- let them settle it amongst themselves. We're not always gonna be there to referee. You're doing a GREAT job, Mama!!
I try really really hard to be the "work it out yourselves" parent but since there is a 3 year difference between them I've often been afraid of Q actually hurting J.
The older they get though, the more I try to phase out my involvement. J has started getting better at fighting back. I occasionally yell up the stairs to "BE NICE TO EACH OTHER" or "DON"T HURT YOUR BROTHER" but I try hard to stay out of it and encourage them to work it out.
BUT GOD THE SCREAMING AND YELLING THE SCREAMING MUST STOP SOMETIME RIGHT??? RIGHT????
I intervene more than I should, because my 3 year old often resorts to hitting his older sister in frustration. Plus, I hate it when they scream.
I only have one kid but, she and The Friend's 2 year old son spend A LOT of time together. They bicker, they yell, they rip toys away, and now and then, they go so far as to push and take swings at each other.
I let them fight EXCEPT for when it involves hitting, pushing, kicking, etc. That is NOT okay and NOT tolerated.
My SIL asked me one evening why I didn't do something. The kids were ripping toys from one another and there were some raised voices being heard in the family room. I told her that as long as there was no blood, no touching of the other one and weapons weren't involved, it was none of my business. I don't think she was too impressed, but DUDE! They're 3 1/2 and 2 1/2. If I got involved in every little scuffle, I'd spend my days/nights busting up fights. Screw that noise.
In the end, they resolve whatever the issue was on their own. They're happy that they didn't have to be told to share or whatever and I'm happy I didn't have to get in the middle of it.
I only have one child (unless you count the Phantom Baby currently residing in my uterus, the as-yet-unconfirmed ball of cells I'm convinced is there each month in the days just before my period) and I am bookmarking this post. We plan to have at least one more, and I think that this is brilliant.
My kids don't fight so much as my son pisses my daughter off by not following her list of commands to the letter, which in turn makes her lose her shit and start yelling and/or crying, which in turn brings me into their madness.
I try to limit myself to lessons: stuff like, "If you keep taking shit from your brother nobody's going to want to play with you at school" or "One day he's going to be stronger than you and he'll get you back". You know, positive role model type stuff.
So you decided not to try the Gravol? Or is that just a Canada thing?
Luckily, mine don't fight all that much. When they do, they more hiss at each other, because they know I'm going to come in there and tell them both to stop it, and people will get sent Away from the room. I'm an only child, and I can't understand or tolerate the fighting crap. So, they fight in hissing whispers, which suits me just fine!
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