Stumble It!
My electric bill was late. I couldn't pay online because I was One Of Those Late Payers so I had to call to talk to someone.
It was one of those voice automated systems.
"If you're calling about a late bill and want to make payment, say 'Make a Payment.'"
"Make a -- "
"Blirgh! MOMMA! ISHIE! SNORFF BLAT GAAAA"
"I'm sorry I did not understand. If you're calling to make a payment, say 'Make a Payment'"
"Make a pay --"
"POOPIES! I DID POOPIES AND SOME PEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEEEEEES!!"
"I'm sorry I did not understand. How can I help you? Say "help."
"Help!"
"I'm sorry, I did not understand the sheer desperation in your voice. If you're calling to pay a late notice, say "Make a Payment.'"
"Make a payme---"
"GLURG! MOMMA! JOR! PEEEBBEEE! PUPPY! KITTY!"
"I'm sorry I did not understand. Could you please speak your account number?"
"100976--"
"Momma, is that Daddy? Can I talk to Daddy? I wanna tell him I HAD A HUGE POOP! Daddy? Is he working? When is he coming home? I want a banana. Do we have any milk? I like your shirt. Mine's pink.I'm wearing boots. My boots are pretty. I wanna fly. Can we go to the store? I want a Barbie. Can I have it? Is that DADDY!??!"
"I'm sorry. I did not understand. Please speak your account number."
"SUCK A WANG!"
"Please hold. I will connect you to an associate who may be able to help you."
Clearly, these automated voice payments were not invented for people who have children. So, apparently saying help will get you nowhere, but asking him to suck a wang gets your prompt attention.
Good to know.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Automated
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17 comments:
I love it!
(Sorry for gatecrashing, MaryMac made me do it.)
LMAO...you hit the nail on the head. I can't stand the automated systems...whenever I call them now, I just start pressing "0" or saying "Representative" right away:)
Here's a little trick that works too: don't do anything. They'll think you have a rotary dial (as if!) and hook you up immediately.
Take care and hope you have an awesome weekend....I'm planning to!
Just found you through Pajamas & Coffee!! You're hysterical!!!
XOXOXO-
Margaret
Ahahahaha! I've so been there. But I'm not as funny about it. :)
Bwahahahaha! That was my life served up on a paper plate. There are no silver platters in motherhood! :D
Why is it that these automated voices ask you for all this information before connecting you to a real person -- WHO THEN ASKS YOU FOR THE SAME FUCKING INFORMATION?!
I'm with you. Suck a wang!
I've been there. I usually just fervently push 0 until someone comes on the line. Next time, I'll have to try Suck a Wang!
Screw the automated system. I'm gonna employ that tactic next time I am stuck on the phone with one of the 80 gajillion asshat douches who work for Citibank. Thanks.
hahahahahahaha!!!!! My dogs set off the automated system responses on a regular basis. Among the things I've screamed at those stupid things, though, suck a wang has never crossed my mind. I'm going to try it next time!!!!
Great. I just threw my cell phone against the wall.
We have too much in common...
Only I prefer to argue with the phone company myself.
"Hi, it's me Jen, I just wanted to confirm, is my bill $158.67 or $158.96 or..."
"Neither M'am, it's $258.97"
"I think you must be mistaken, yesterday it was $158. and change"
"I know what it was yesterday m'am, but that was yesterday. Today it is $258.00"
It's like they're magical or something...
http://www.theladyslounge.com
genius!
My daughter will actually ask me if I'm "talking to a computer" when she hears my tone of voice and conversation style change.
seriously. last week I got a call for a late bill payment. So, I had no excuse. And I was trying to say that, but both kids were shrieking in the background. And the guy on the phone was lecturing me and asking for a reason. (annoying - it wasn't that late)
Finally, I said "you hear that shrieking? That is my 2 kids. I am trying to balance work and that. That is why I sometimes miss a bill payment."
And he just said "thanks Ma'am" and hung up.
I just... I have no words. That is hilarious. You make me laugh daily & I love you for it!
Ahahaha, you are hilarious. And I've been there, done that - except not the 'suck a wang' part. Definitely trying that next time, thanks for the tip.
I thought I might pee on myself from laughing. Thank you for that.
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